love

The birth of our family

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Dear Lee,

On this night 15 years ago, I knew life would change forever.

You were our first born child. With your birth, our family would be born.  Until that moment your father & I couldn’t understand how much we could love another human being.

You are the only one who has been with us since the beginning of our family, & sometimes I look at you and am overcome by the journey we’ve been walking together.Your first cry captured our hearts & you have continued to amaze us ever since. We have watched in awe as you have grown. Your first word, step, sleepover, dance, first girlfriend. Each & every first was done by you. Our hearts have expanded more than we ever thought possible. You’ve watched me grow & learn. Though I am your mother, in many ways, we’ve grown & learned together.

 

With each step into your future, you will grow stronger & learn more. You’ve already picked up your own shield and prepared your own armor.

PLEASE KNOW:

-I wanted you. Not a baby, not a son, YOU. You’re exactly what I hoped for.

-I don’t really care what you do when you grow up. As long as you are happy & safe.

-I am proud to call you my son. Not only because I love you, but because I trust you enough, even right now at 15, to become the kind of person I can be proud to know.

-You can change the world. People will try to discourage you, you may even try to discourage yourself, but you can & I know you will.

-I believe in you. I know you’re going to read this & then leave it lying on your bed when you go to school. It will probably fall behind your bed and disappear into the oblivion of your dirty room. When you pack up in a few years to go off to college you’ll probably find it, and read it, and remember that I believed in you when you were 15, just like I did when you were 5, just like when you were 5 months, just like I will until the day I die, & even after that too.

 

Thank you for being my son, for helping me and your father start our family and for walking out this journey with the five of us. I’m in awe of this life we are living together and humbled by what you bring to it. Thank you, for your endless honesty, spirit & old soul.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAR 🐻 

Love you forever & always

The Story

I have mentioned in my writings and in my classes that I suffered a life changing event 18 months ago that changed my whole life.

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Last night in my YINyasa class was the first time that I shared publicly what actually happened that day. It was the first time in a long time that my voice shook, my hands sweat and I held back tears because I had to acknowledge that I was helpless in those moments.

To tell the story, I had to relive that day . I had to admit that the life I was living was literally sucking the life out of me. My job was disempowering and stressful. The friendships I was involved in was stealing my spirit. That I had no sense of who I was or sense of boundaries.

I had to remember the panic in my husband's face as he called 911 crying while explaining to our 3 children not to panic. He explained to them that the paramedics would arrive with sirens and enter our house to help me. And I had to remember how still they stood so brave as help arrived.

 

I described the panic I felt when I knew something was wrong and could not speak and finally when I woke up 24 hours later in the ICU and was told at the age of 39 I suffered a stroke, that I was "lucky".

My point: Don't wait to live out your dream. Don't wait until you have achieved that "perfect" life to start living what you KNOW is your purpose. Don't wait to be told you are "lucky" to start. Don't wait until you have a certain amount of money in your account or lose a certain amount of weight.

The prayer: Now is the time.

I've used this prayer many times but this time everyone knew where it came from and why. That I didn't just hear it from someone and repeat it. That I live that prayer EVERY damn day.

 

Thank you to Tami Schneider and Cleveland Yoga who provided a sacred place for me to teach and create. I'm grateful.

Living in the present.

JOURNAL ENTRY

Date: March 4, 2016


That horrible situation is behind you that you are contemplating running back to; that situation that keeps you up at night, that consumes all your thoughts, that has you questioning who you are and inserting doubt that you are worthy to be that person, that keeps reopening wounds begging to be healed. It is time to let that thing go.


I know you may believe the pull to go back is stronger than your push to move forward, but that is only because you forget YOU hold the tremendous power to choose every minute, to put one foot in front of the other and keep your eyes steady before you. You already have everything you need to release your grasp on the past.  You are not a prisoner to your old life or your old self.  You are not unworthy to be free.

Trust there is a reason it is behind you. You may not see the purpose now, and that maybe why you want to answer the call of the past, but you can be assured that  if you keep moving forward it will be revealed. You will be living in a future beautifully created by your decision to remain in the present.

Love,

Me

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❤️LOVE NOTE 📝❤️

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At the beginning of summer I received a love letter from a student. It was written on notebook paper ripped out and folded into a tiny square, like a note you would pass in school.

I cherish it.

Sometimes I ask myself why I do all of this? Why do I carry 6 bowls (sometimes gong, Cello) all over the the U.S.A? Why do I spend hours planning a playlist and writing my thoughts in a journal to create classes? I could think of 100 easier (although not as fulfilling) things to do with my life.

And then...this note arrived.

This note in its beauty and simplicity made me feel so loved and reminded me exactly why. I keep it in my wallet so I always have it to remind me when I get scared or want to go a different route just because its easier. The most wonderful things in life take hard work and dedication. It's not always an easy road.

I've disappointed people and lost friendships to live my dream.

BUT

You only have one life in this body to do it. SO...

I choose to make it count.

BIG THANK YOU TO THE STUDENT-you know who you are- who wrote this beautiful love note. I'm Grateful!

 

#awaketomysoul #lovenotes #awaketomysoulytt #playingsmallisnolongeranoption

#dontquityourdaydream

Laughter

Laughter.

It is healing.  It is restoring. It is an escape. It is a release. It is my favorite expression and sound- knowing that beautiful noise is being released because this body can not contain the joy flowing through it.  It is my favorite sign that I am alive.  That I am becoming free.  That I am going to be okay. .

In that moment of laugher, I know I am the furthest away from the things that hurt me.  I am in a world where love is abundant, happiness is overflowing, and everything that once seemed impossible is possible. .

I have always dreamed of a life where I laugh as much as I breathe.  Where I never stop chasing after what makes my soul dance.  Where I allow joy to beautifully redeem every sorrow of my past.  I have to say: I am living the life of my dreams.


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E X P A N D I N G

 

"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new." 

-Socrates

 

Dear CLE,

I have you from the West to the East! My teaching schedule is expanding starting NEXT WEEK!

Catch me at:

Cleveland Yoga // BEACHWOOD & UPTOWN

•Yoga Strong CLE

•Tremont Athletic Club

See my weekly classes here.

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I'm not that kind of mom.

I’m not that kind of mom……

I am not the kind of mom that hovers over her kids. 

I am not the kind of mom that knows every name of her kid’s friends and their parent’s names.

I am not the kind of mom that joins the PTA or volunteers to be the field trip chaperone. 

I am not the kind of mom that cries on their first day of school.

And sometimes, I feel bad that I’m not that kind of mom. 

The truth is..

I’m the kind of mom that loves to spend time with my kids but I also celebrate and dance when they leave for 6 six weeks of sleep away camp. 

I’m the kind of mom that every friday eats pizza (sometime McDonalds) with the kids while we watch our favorite show Black-ish together.

But today everything shifted.

I got this letter from my youngest at my last Muffins with Moms Day.

It told me that it was ok to be the mom I am, and not the mom I thought I SHOULD be.

That I’m doing ok.

Thank you Patrick. 

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Choose you FIRST.

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Ever feel like you're quick to fill others first, but when it comes to really bathing and filling up yourself, you turn it into a cold shower? Why is that? What is so dangerous, daring, provocative and unacceptable about choosing you?

Sometimes I have to really pause and ask myself this question too, because it's so easy to choose our businesses, family, friends, obligations over ourselves.

What's helping me in this journey of loving myself, is excepting that if I really want to help others, I have to help myself first.

I had to recognize this: You're NOT choosing yourself and saying the hell with others.  You're really choosing yourself first that's the important part {FIRST}. Choosing you first can help you be a better friend, partner, and leader. Choose you FIRST, so that you have enough to give others.

 

I N S P I R A T I O N

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You know who inspires me? People who stretch themselves beyond the limits of their fears and show up anyways. People who are open, vulnerable and know that sharing the truth is going to help others become more comfortable with sharing their's. Those are the people who touch my soul and they help me in so many ways because of their humanity.

 

Thank you to the people who inspire me everyday to get up and NOT sit, walk or run toward my dream but to FLY toward my dreams.

 


Happy Stroke-ivsary to me!

Got a card in the mail today, from my beautiful friend Nat officially celebrating exactly one year POST STROKE with this beautiful poem by an unknown poet.

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She loved life and it loved her right back

celebrate her passion

She listened to her heart above all other voices

celebrate her wisdom

She pursued big dreams instead of small realities

celebrate her priorities

She saw every ending as a new beginning

celebrate her resiliency

She discovered real measurements had nothing to do with numbers or statistics

celebrate her self-esteem

She woke up one day and threw away all her excuses

celebrate her accountability

She turned her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans

celebrate her goals

She ignored people who said it couldn't be done

celebrate her independence

She had a way of turning obstacles into opportunities

celebrate her magic

She went out on a limb had it break behind her and she discovered she could fly

celebrate her faith

She discovered that she was the one she'd been waiting for

celebrate her self reliance

She decided to enjoy more and endure less

celebrate her choices

She decided to start living the life she'd imagined

celebrate her freedom

She colored her thoughts with only the brightest colors

celebrate her optimism

She was an artist and her life was her canvas

celebrate her brillance

She ran ahead where there were no paths

celebrate her bravery

She held her head high and looked the world straight in the eye

celebrate her strength

She not only saw a light at the end of the tunnel she became that light for others

celebrate her compassion

She designed a life she loved

celebrate her joy

She took the leap and built her wings on the way down

celebrate her daring

She said bye-bye to unhealthy relationships

celebrate her happiness

She remained true to herself

celebrate her authenticity.-unknown💫💫 📷- the talented @suzuranphotography