faith

The Story

I have mentioned in my writings and in my classes that I suffered a life changing event 18 months ago that changed my whole life.

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Last night in my YINyasa class was the first time that I shared publicly what actually happened that day. It was the first time in a long time that my voice shook, my hands sweat and I held back tears because I had to acknowledge that I was helpless in those moments.

To tell the story, I had to relive that day . I had to admit that the life I was living was literally sucking the life out of me. My job was disempowering and stressful. The friendships I was involved in was stealing my spirit. That I had no sense of who I was or sense of boundaries.

I had to remember the panic in my husband's face as he called 911 crying while explaining to our 3 children not to panic. He explained to them that the paramedics would arrive with sirens and enter our house to help me. And I had to remember how still they stood so brave as help arrived.

 

I described the panic I felt when I knew something was wrong and could not speak and finally when I woke up 24 hours later in the ICU and was told at the age of 39 I suffered a stroke, that I was "lucky".

My point: Don't wait to live out your dream. Don't wait until you have achieved that "perfect" life to start living what you KNOW is your purpose. Don't wait to be told you are "lucky" to start. Don't wait until you have a certain amount of money in your account or lose a certain amount of weight.

The prayer: Now is the time.

I've used this prayer many times but this time everyone knew where it came from and why. That I didn't just hear it from someone and repeat it. That I live that prayer EVERY damn day.

 

Thank you to Tami Schneider and Cleveland Yoga who provided a sacred place for me to teach and create. I'm grateful.

Living in the present.

JOURNAL ENTRY

Date: March 4, 2016


That horrible situation is behind you that you are contemplating running back to; that situation that keeps you up at night, that consumes all your thoughts, that has you questioning who you are and inserting doubt that you are worthy to be that person, that keeps reopening wounds begging to be healed. It is time to let that thing go.


I know you may believe the pull to go back is stronger than your push to move forward, but that is only because you forget YOU hold the tremendous power to choose every minute, to put one foot in front of the other and keep your eyes steady before you. You already have everything you need to release your grasp on the past.  You are not a prisoner to your old life or your old self.  You are not unworthy to be free.

Trust there is a reason it is behind you. You may not see the purpose now, and that maybe why you want to answer the call of the past, but you can be assured that  if you keep moving forward it will be revealed. You will be living in a future beautifully created by your decision to remain in the present.

Love,

Me

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unbreakable

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The World can't break you.

No matter what you see on the news.

No matter what arguments you catch yourself in the crossfire of.

No matter the opinions beliefs and actions of scarcity and fear.

The World can't terrorize or scare you into submission because you are made of sturdier substance.

Resilience and heart.

I doubt myself often. I look at myself and think I'm to small to make a difference. ~A small belief that has kept so many of us playing the smallest game.~

Yet when I feel my spirit and the leadership that is rising in the next generation.

There's a mightiness there. I see it in the eyes of my children and their friends. I see it in the eyes of my friends and family.

It's there.

It's strong.

It's courageous.

Trust your heart and don't let the fog silence who you are. The fog can't scare or terrorize your Soul into submission.

 

Photo credit-Angela Fach

Laughter

Laughter.

It is healing.  It is restoring. It is an escape. It is a release. It is my favorite expression and sound- knowing that beautiful noise is being released because this body can not contain the joy flowing through it.  It is my favorite sign that I am alive.  That I am becoming free.  That I am going to be okay. .

In that moment of laugher, I know I am the furthest away from the things that hurt me.  I am in a world where love is abundant, happiness is overflowing, and everything that once seemed impossible is possible. .

I have always dreamed of a life where I laugh as much as I breathe.  Where I never stop chasing after what makes my soul dance.  Where I allow joy to beautifully redeem every sorrow of my past.  I have to say: I am living the life of my dreams.


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Happy Stroke-ivsary to me!

Got a card in the mail today, from my beautiful friend Nat officially celebrating exactly one year POST STROKE with this beautiful poem by an unknown poet.

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She loved life and it loved her right back

celebrate her passion

She listened to her heart above all other voices

celebrate her wisdom

She pursued big dreams instead of small realities

celebrate her priorities

She saw every ending as a new beginning

celebrate her resiliency

She discovered real measurements had nothing to do with numbers or statistics

celebrate her self-esteem

She woke up one day and threw away all her excuses

celebrate her accountability

She turned her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans

celebrate her goals

She ignored people who said it couldn't be done

celebrate her independence

She had a way of turning obstacles into opportunities

celebrate her magic

She went out on a limb had it break behind her and she discovered she could fly

celebrate her faith

She discovered that she was the one she'd been waiting for

celebrate her self reliance

She decided to enjoy more and endure less

celebrate her choices

She decided to start living the life she'd imagined

celebrate her freedom

She colored her thoughts with only the brightest colors

celebrate her optimism

She was an artist and her life was her canvas

celebrate her brillance

She ran ahead where there were no paths

celebrate her bravery

She held her head high and looked the world straight in the eye

celebrate her strength

She not only saw a light at the end of the tunnel she became that light for others

celebrate her compassion

She designed a life she loved

celebrate her joy

She took the leap and built her wings on the way down

celebrate her daring

She said bye-bye to unhealthy relationships

celebrate her happiness

She remained true to herself

celebrate her authenticity.-unknown💫💫 📷- the talented @suzuranphotography

Pieces & Parts

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I only remember pieces and parts.

I remember faces but not many names.

I'm embarrassed to ask. Especially if I have known the person for years.

"I should remember," I tell myself.

My close friends know I struggle. I use to be able to remember details.

In meetings I remain quiet.

Scared to contribute.

Mostly because it takes me the first half of the conversation to figure out what the hell is happening or what we are talking about.

My co-worker and friend looks over at me. She knows I'm lost and smiles. She begins to speak to the group and starts by saying, "Just so we are all on the same page..." and proceeds to summarize the project to the WHOLE group...But really we both know it's for me. I flash her a "Thank you" smile. She has to remind me of conversations we have had many times. She is patient and makes light of the situation.

Today my doctor repeated to me again "At this point, one year out from your stroke, your brain will probably remain this way."

So... I say to each of you....

If I forget your name it doesn't mean that I don't know you or your spirit. I might just need a gentle reminder. I might forget names, but I don't forget feelings and experiences. No more pretending, no more waiting for a life line. #truth

Much Love,

Ylonda

#survivingastroke #awaketomysoul #truth #nomorepretending #badmemory #noshorttermmemory

The United States of America

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I cried a lot this morning. This amazing courageous man changed my view of the world. For eight years, I -an AfricanAmerican woman- witnessed the break down of some of the walls that existed between black and white America. I saw that many would not judge you by the color of your skin.

 

This election did not go the way I wanted BUT I am clear on one thing. The wall can only be rebuilt if WE choose it to be. Now with a new person being sworn into office today it just lights my fire 🔥 to keep climbing. TO RISE UP and continue President Obama's legacy. That "there is not a black America and a white America and latino America and asian America-there's the United States of America."-Barack Obama

I love this country.


Breathe in your life

I know I always have sooooooo much to say via Social Media but I am feeling so grateful in this moment for the life I have. It has changed so much in two years. I'm doing things I never thought was possible. I have a beautiful family & friends. I have seen parts of the world that have changed my way of thinking, started a company, taught in cities all over the US and had the opportunities to meet some amazing people. A reminder to BREATHE IN YOUR LIFE. Breathe it in. Every second.

AND there is more to come.  The possibilities are endless.... 

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Love letter

I found this love letter I wrote to myself 11 months ago-right after I suffered my stroke. I know...it's kind of corny but sometimes I have to remind myself of who I am. It's easy to forget who you really are with all the external distractions. Having that stroke was the BEST thing that could have happened to me! IT WAS MY WAKEUP CALL FOR SELF LOVE.Have you ever written yourself a love letter?


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An Even Better Plan.

We all know the thing we should do. That one thing we are afraid to do. But we drink over it, or shop over it, or eat over it, workout over it, meditate over it. Or we look outward to everyone else, asking our friends what they think, sitting at the feet of "masters", something to save us from having to make the changes we are afraid to make, and feel the pain we are afraid to feel. All the things on the outside is a distraction from the truth we want to deny. And there's a lot out there to tell us what we want to hear—or tell us to fear—and neither is the truth. We have to trust ourselves and have faith in Life. We have to do the thing we are afraid to do. There will always be times when we have to make a choice and this choice will change our lives, change our path. It all works out when we live out our whole heart, our whole self, our whole truth and nothing but the truth. It all works out and never in the way we plan, but in a way we could not have planned, an even better plan. 

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