The brown bears

Letter to the baby brown bear

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I always knew this boy with his long dark lashes and tender heart would undo me.

 

Every day for the past 12 years, he has touched my soul in some way. He is the first to ask “How was your day ?” and “Did you you sleep good?” or say “Momma, you look so pretty today.” He can also burp my name. So, there’s that.

 

Patrick,

Happy Birthday to my precious baby boy!! It is hard to believe you are turning 12 years old today!

 

I thank God for you each and everyday and I will be forever grateful that you chose me to be your mom.

Please know that you make me proud. If you didn’t do another thing, win another award, get another A, I want you to know I’m proud of the young man you’ve become. I love the way you love your siblings (most days). I love the way you are a good friend and listener to others. I love the way you give generously.

You are loved. No matter how long those legs grow or how high I have to look up to you, you will always be my baby boy. I can still wipe your tears and listen to your heart. If you never hear another word I say or choose not to listen, you must believe that you are loved deeply.  Don’t ever doubt it. Believe it. This life might bring great joy or sorrow, great wealth or loss, but you can make it because you have love. Make sure you remember to give it away. It’s the best way to receive it.

 

Baby Brown Bear I love you. I hope you have the happiest day!

DREAM BIG

When the Brown Bears were away for six weeks of camp this summer, I decided to surprise them and redo their rooms.

A TEENAGERS DREAM ROOM.

Loft beds, desks, new bedding. I also decided to give them each a chalk board wall and I committed to putting something positive on the board above their bed each month, so it was the first thing they saw each morning.

All of our children have the ability to have a beautiful impact on the world. It may be through art, music, words, legislation or science. They just need to be reminded.

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The birth of our family

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Dear Lee,

On this night 15 years ago, I knew life would change forever.

You were our first born child. With your birth, our family would be born.  Until that moment your father & I couldn’t understand how much we could love another human being.

You are the only one who has been with us since the beginning of our family, & sometimes I look at you and am overcome by the journey we’ve been walking together.Your first cry captured our hearts & you have continued to amaze us ever since. We have watched in awe as you have grown. Your first word, step, sleepover, dance, first girlfriend. Each & every first was done by you. Our hearts have expanded more than we ever thought possible. You’ve watched me grow & learn. Though I am your mother, in many ways, we’ve grown & learned together.

 

With each step into your future, you will grow stronger & learn more. You’ve already picked up your own shield and prepared your own armor.

PLEASE KNOW:

-I wanted you. Not a baby, not a son, YOU. You’re exactly what I hoped for.

-I don’t really care what you do when you grow up. As long as you are happy & safe.

-I am proud to call you my son. Not only because I love you, but because I trust you enough, even right now at 15, to become the kind of person I can be proud to know.

-You can change the world. People will try to discourage you, you may even try to discourage yourself, but you can & I know you will.

-I believe in you. I know you’re going to read this & then leave it lying on your bed when you go to school. It will probably fall behind your bed and disappear into the oblivion of your dirty room. When you pack up in a few years to go off to college you’ll probably find it, and read it, and remember that I believed in you when you were 15, just like I did when you were 5, just like when you were 5 months, just like I will until the day I die, & even after that too.

 

Thank you for being my son, for helping me and your father start our family and for walking out this journey with the five of us. I’m in awe of this life we are living together and humbled by what you bring to it. Thank you, for your endless honesty, spirit & old soul.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAR 🐻 

Love you forever & always

RISK IT

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Evelyn, my brave, beautiful and introverted daughter has played the violin for about two years. She struggles with shyness/being heard though her words. So when she chose to play the violin. My husband and I felt that maybe she would feel more comfortable being heard through music. This too has been a struggle.

 

Recently she came to me and asked if she could start with a brand new teacher.  I was surprised. This was out of her "comfort zone" but I was completely willing to fulfill her request.  She has never really asked for anything so  I knew this was important to her.  When I asked her the reason she said, "I want to start again. I want to take a chance on something new."

"HELL YES!" I replied to her! (Yes... on occasion I curse in front of my children).

And so I arranged for her to start with another teacher, Liza Grossman.

I have known Liza since I was 9 years old and she 19. She was my first orchestra director. We have watched each other grow up and develop careers out of our passions. So I asked and she agreed.

The universe works in amazing ways. Last night in her lesson, Evelyn of course very shy, spoke softly and made no eye contact. But whenever Liza spoke, she would lock eyes with Evelyn and speak directly to Evelyn's eyes about what she needed to do with her body to get a bigger sound out of her violin.

Evelyn has a lot to say to the world through her violin so she needed a bigger sound.  As Evelyn would play her piece, Liza kept saying the words "Risk it Evelyn!" Meaning... play loud, be bold, be heard even if you squeak or mess up.

Risk it.

I watched as my daughter's whole demeanor changed.  She stood straight and confident and was willing for the first time to be heard loudly even if she messed up.  She left that lesson a new person.  She had words for what she was doing in her life.

RISK IT.

I could tell she was proud of herself and so was I, for a few reasons.  She knew what she needed all by herself. She didn't need to ask her friends or me what we thought. This was her idea not mine. She did what was best for her.

She RISKED it.

She risked me saying no.

She risked trying a new teacher out of her comfort zone.

This little one is determined to not let fear run her life. It's INSPIRING

I'm not that kind of mom.

I’m not that kind of mom……

I am not the kind of mom that hovers over her kids. 

I am not the kind of mom that knows every name of her kid’s friends and their parent’s names.

I am not the kind of mom that joins the PTA or volunteers to be the field trip chaperone. 

I am not the kind of mom that cries on their first day of school.

And sometimes, I feel bad that I’m not that kind of mom. 

The truth is..

I’m the kind of mom that loves to spend time with my kids but I also celebrate and dance when they leave for 6 six weeks of sleep away camp. 

I’m the kind of mom that every friday eats pizza (sometime McDonalds) with the kids while we watch our favorite show Black-ish together.

But today everything shifted.

I got this letter from my youngest at my last Muffins with Moms Day.

It told me that it was ok to be the mom I am, and not the mom I thought I SHOULD be.

That I’m doing ok.

Thank you Patrick. 

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Superhero

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THROWBACK THURSDAY 

My daughter Evelyn is an introvert. In fact she would be horrified if she saw this post about her. (Shhhh.... we won't tell her. 😜) She is soft spoken, shy, gentle and so sweet. She rarely gets her picture taken. Instead she is the photographer for MOST of my pics. But when she was younger, she use to put on her Super Hero costume and become SUPER E. As Super E she could be anything she wanted to be. Sometimes she had "Super Sonic" hearing or the ability to run at the speed of light. This apparently holds true for Rosey (the beagle) too.

Years later, the costume is retired. But she tells me that she still believes she can be anything she wants. I guess the Super hero will always live inside of her. BRAVO EVELYN! You don't need that costume to be anything you want!