This journal entry means a lot to me. I saw this quote somewhere last year and wanted to remember it. The difference between this time and last time is that I’ve seen the product. I re-read this journal entry as a challenge or “words to live by” for myself over that last year. Soon after I wrote this in my journal, i started seeing my life, my teaching, my confidence, and my relationships shift.So i’ll ask you... how different would your life be if you actually went after what you wanted? God is good, y’all. happy monday!
On this night 15 years ago, I knew life would change forever.
You were our first born child. With your birth, our family would be born. Until that moment your father & I couldn’t understand how much we could love another human being.
You are the only one who has been with us since the beginning of our family, & sometimes I look at you and am overcome by the journey we’ve been walking together.Your first cry captured our hearts & you have continued to amaze us ever since. We have watched in awe as you have grown. Your first word, step, sleepover, dance, first girlfriend. Each & every first was done by you. Our hearts have expanded more than we ever thought possible. You’ve watched me grow & learn. Though I am your mother, in many ways, we’ve grown & learned together.
With each step into your future, you will grow stronger & learn more. You’ve already picked up your own shield and prepared your own armor.
-I wanted you. Not a baby, not a son, YOU. You’re exactly what I hoped for.
-I don’t really care what you do when you grow up. As long as you are happy & safe.
-I am proud to call you my son. Not only because I love you, but because I trust you enough, even right now at 15, to become the kind of person I can be proud to know.
-You can change the world. People will try to discourage you, you may even try to discourage yourself, but you can & I know you will.
-I believe in you. I know you’re going to read this & then leave it lying on your bed when you go to school. It will probably fall behind your bed and disappear into the oblivion of your dirty room. When you pack up in a few years to go off to college you’ll probably find it, and read it, and remember that I believed in you when you were 15, just like I did when you were 5, just like when you were 5 months, just like I will until the day I die, & even after that too.
Thank you for being my son, for helping me and your father start our family and for walking out this journey with the five of us. I’m in awe of this life we are living together and humbled by what you bring to it. Thank you, for your endless honesty, spirit & old soul.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAR 🐻
Love you forever & always
I have to coach myself every time I play or sing in public. I want to cry or run. The fear is real. So palpable.
I watched my 12 year old daughter go through the same. Friday was her FIRST violin recital. She cried and shook. I know that feeling. She waited for her turn blowing her nose and crying. I was tempted to scoop her up, put her in the car and quickly drive away, but I knew that wasn't the answer. Her teacher asked her, "Do you want me to play with you?" Evelyn bravely told her no and waited, sobbing. The other students sat with her without saying a word.
Crying, she marched on stage and played her piece beautifully.
I was so proud as I watched her walk right through her fears to the other side where pride and courage live. She was determined to not let fear run her life, to be seen and heard even when it's scary. Playing small was NEVER an option.
Photo credit- The talented Brian Keene
I’m not that kind of mom……
I am not the kind of mom that hovers over her kids.
I am not the kind of mom that knows every name of her kid’s friends and their parent’s names.
I am not the kind of mom that joins the PTA or volunteers to be the field trip chaperone.
I am not the kind of mom that cries on their first day of school.
And sometimes, I feel bad that I’m not that kind of mom.
The truth is..
I’m the kind of mom that loves to spend time with my kids but I also celebrate and dance when they leave for 6 six weeks of sleep away camp.
I’m the kind of mom that every friday eats pizza (sometime McDonalds) with the kids while we watch our favorite show Black-ish together.
But today everything shifted.
I got this letter from my youngest at my last Muffins with Moms Day.
It told me that it was ok to be the mom I am, and not the mom I thought I SHOULD be.
That I’m doing ok.
Thank you Patrick.
The other day my 11 year old came to me and told me he missed me. Missed me? What? I wasin disbelief, actually. I reminded him about all the time we send together, trips to the movies, roller skating, the trips to Starbucks. (Are those places ever cheap? I mean, seriously Starbucks, $24 total for four drinks and a few snacks? End rant.) He looked at me and told me that’s not what he meant. He told me he just wanted me present during the day.
Like stopping my crazy busy mom & yoga teacher work agenda to look at the art project he made on the computer. Really looking at it and trying to appreciate his talents. It’s about me taking thirty minutes to play cards at the table with them and not filling out school forms, checking email constantly on my phone. Email can wait thirty minutes. They cannot. It’s in not worrying so much about the laundry and instead just letting that go and being thankful for a family to do laundry for. Just being there. Cooking together. Laughing. Giving of myself in the simple things.
Little Simple Things.
Thanks Baby Man. Thanks for the reminder to stop, look around and breathe in my life.
Photo credit- my soul sister Candy Koslen
My daughter Evelyn is an introvert. In fact she would be horrified if she saw this post about her. (Shhhh.... we won't tell her. 😜) She is soft spoken, shy, gentle and so sweet. She rarely gets her picture taken. Instead she is the photographer for MOST of my pics. But when she was younger, she use to put on her Super Hero costume and become SUPER E. As Super E she could be anything she wanted to be. Sometimes she had "Super Sonic" hearing or the ability to run at the speed of light. This apparently holds true for Rosey (the beagle) too.
Years later, the costume is retired. But she tells me that she still believes she can be anything she wants. I guess the Super hero will always live inside of her. BRAVO EVELYN! You don't need that costume to be anything you want!