It is a way of being I have fought to become again.
FEELING WORTHY AND ENOUGH
At one time it seemed like no matter what I did I could never reach it. No matter how much I changed to fit the wants of others, no matter how perfect I tried to live my life, ENOUGH was never a word I could speak over myself. I was like a dog chasing its tail. Tirelessly, endlessly, relentlessly chasing . I could see it but could never get close enough to grab it.
See, I found myself in a position where I was apologizing a lot to someone for not being enough – and I don’t mean a handful of times. It was a frequent occurrence. And what we don’t realize is that the more we apologize for who we are, the more we begin to truly believe in why we are saying sorry. It becomes our truth that we really are not enough, that we really are too flawed to be loved & unworthy as we are. What starts as a mere seed of self-doubt gets watered with each apology, growing like a weed into the crevices of our minds and eventually, if we do not stop it, wrapping itself around our hearts. Everything we do, every word we speak, every decision we make becomes centered around our truth that we are not enough.
Once I removed myself from that situation and assessed where I was physically & mentally I established quickly what my first goal would be: to discover my enough and when I did, to live in it.
After a lot of work I wondered how I let those feelings of self-acceptance go unfelt because, I have no words for how beautiful life became when they graced my soul again. Joy overflowed as I felt the weed that had taken over get ripped away. My heart could breathe again; beating with excitement. My mind could see again; see the colors and the light that cover this world. My soul could move again; dance and run towards the dreams waiting to be grabbed. Every part of me came alive. And this was just a mere glimpse of what is to come.
Stay tuned.... Shout out the incredible photographer @tomcsawyer for capturing on film how my heart feels.