I BUILT A WALL
I was not planning on it. I have never been a particularly good builder to be honest. I was the child whose blocks always fell down, whose fort crumbled to the ground. I had no intention of adding this to my resume.
But I did....
Brick by brick I began to build. Bricks of words spoken to me. Of doubts. Of memories. Of fears. Of failures. Of pain. One after another, I kept compiling and stacking them. Longer, stronger and higher the wall became. It was only when I woke up one day in the hospital that I noticed what I had constructed. Only then did I see what my mind was busy at work creating while my heart ached .
I had confined myself. Playing small, hiding behind others, using the doubts, fears, pain. A future once so visible I could no longer see.
The worst part was, I knew what was on the other side. I memorized that scenery. I was captivated by its colors. I was drawn to its light.
CONFINED BEHIND THE WALL.
There was nothing left on this side of the wall for me to see, for me to know, for me to explore. The work began to deconstruct my thoughts about myself, my fears and doubts, to deconstruct the wall. I got busy figuring out what were the “stories” i created in my head and what was TRUTH.
If something or someone gave me the feeling that I wasn’t worthy, I dropped it or them.
Was it hard? HELL YES
Was it necessary? HELL YES
With those things removed it created an opening to escape. To breathe in new air. To hear a new voice. To live a lifelong dream. To be whole.
To be free...
THE WALL CRUMBLED.