I fought you as a child of color when the white kids told me that I wasn't worthy to play with them. When they told me I wasn't allowed in their house but instead I could play only in the yard.
You represented weakness.
I fought you as a teenager when finally there were kids at school that looked just like me but wouldn't be my friend because of the way I spoke. Apparently I sounded "to white".
You would show them that their words hurt me.
You represented weakness.
You represented something I didn't want anyone to see in me.
I remember standing at the alter looking in the eyes of my beautiful husband, dressed in full military uniform. So strong handsome and noble.
You were in his eyes.
You streamed down his face.
He was crying from joy. I thought to myself, "He is so handsome... So strong..."
But I still couldn't let you show in my own eyes.
As the years went on I struggled more and more with holding you back.
I would try to only encounter you in private.
Until one day you overtook me. And even though you represented sadness and grief in that moment, you also could bath a wound that no one else could see.
Once I felt you, I was free to feel all the parts you.
Now Tears, I can feel you when I'm happy or sad. I welcome you. You represent strength and bold beauty. Strength NOT to hide. Strength to feel. Strength to love fully.
